To get the full benefit of this blog, you should go to the beginning and read forward, as many self-defense principles build on earlier ones. I have stated more than once that good manners can diffuse or prevent personal attacks. But not all. Misdirected anger is often at the root of violent attacks.
A guy may endure a chewing out by his wife, then he gets a speeding ticket on the way to the store, and finally he perceives that you have cut him off as you made a left turn in front of him into a parking lot. Never-mind that you perceived that you had plenty of time to clear his vehicle, and never-mind that he was speeding. Actually an incident similar to this happened to me a few years ago.
I was parked and had gotten out of my car to go into a shop when a man screeched his car to a stop blocking my way. I paid little attention to this action other than attempt to go around the car. A guy much taller than me got out of the car and blocked my way and started cursing me out for "cutting him off." I didn't feel that I had done so, but I try to avoid altercations at all costs. I apologized to him, saying something like, "I didn't realize that I caused you problems, but I am sorry if it did."
That wasn't enough for him. I'm not sure what he wanted, but I listened to him saying something about disrespecting him and almost causing a wreck, which I know was not the case. Still I quelled rising irritation and in the most sincere tones that I could muster, I again apologized for any problems that I had caused him. I ignored his cursing response and tried to disengage from him and to continue into the store. I apologized to him and told him that I would be more careful in the future. Four or five times I swallowed my pride and apologized to him. Each times he rejected my apology.
It is my business to know how to read attack posture. This guy was in a classic attack stance. It is not hard to recognize. His right foot was substantially behind the other. Had he been left-handed, his left foot would have been the one behind. His feet were about shoulder width apart. He was looking away from me, upward and to the right; he was weighing the affect of attacking me. He was in a struggle between his logic and his emotions. His right-hand was behind him and his body twisted in that direction. This can be especially dangerous as many men carry a knife, fist-load, or gun in their back pocket or the small of their back.
His body and his mind were cocked and ready to explode into an assault on my person. Other signs can be agitation, strained voice, silence, fidgeting, looking around to see who is watching. I was a good six to eight feet from this guy. Still, being this close is in the danger zone, as the distance could be closed in one heartbeat, especially by this tall young man pumped with agitation. It's a dangerous position to be in. I knew that I had to do something to distract him from following through with his assault. I had already apologized to no good affect. I made a split second decision to take a different tack. His mere thinking about what I would say would slow and perhaps halt his attack.
This was an angry young man, physically fit, maybe a basketball player judging from his height. He was of a minority who in my area is known to be volatile and violent. I knew that his beef was really not with me. I just happened to be the last straw in a rough morning--or so I supposed. What I said may or may not have been the ideal response, but I was ready to either diffuse his attack or to provoke an attack on cue, so that I could counter it on my terms. Reading the body language forewarned that he was a step away from throwing a hard, weight-assisted and probably wide forward punch. I was prepared to counter and deal with this action.
"Look man," I said. "I don't know what is eating at you. I don't think I really am your problem. I was comfortable that I was making a safe turn, even though you were speeding, but I have been civil enough to apologize to you repeatedly." I let that soak in about two seconds before continueing.
"Now if you are going to hit me, have at it, if not I am going inside, but don't mistake my good nature for fear. You are jacking with the wrong person."
The guy relaxed his stance in order to reply. That's what I wanted. His hands were then both visible to me. At least he didn't have a knife or gun in hand. He looked like he was twice as tall as me. He was clearly my physical superior--which doesn't necessarily mean anything in an altercation.
He responded in disbelief with his voice high and cracking. "What did you say?"
"You heard me. I said you are jacking with the wrong guy!" I responded to his challenge.
He was not speechless, he was just so incensed that he spoke incoherently. He seemed to not fully comprehend the incongruence of what he was hearing. Here was a shorter out-of-shape looking old guy calmly telling him to get on with it, but planting a seed of doubt as to who he was dealing with. I was no longer apologizing, but challenging him and warning him that he was about to get more than he had bargained for. He was confused. This was the affect that I was hoping for. I stood my ground and didn't avert my gaze. I was feeling my on upsurge of adrenaline, and was directing it into controlled anger, not fear.
The guy again resumed an attack posture. From his body language I could tell that he was probably a fairly competent street fighter, but that he had no martial arts or boxing skills, or he was either too confused and mad to employ them. He was unwittingly broadcasting his intent. The danger of attack was not over. He was again looking up and to the right. That's where an attacker looks when he is trying to formulate an attack strategy.
As for myself, I had my usual gun concealed under my jacket on my right hip.I may have had as many as tow other, as Ioften do. I had multiple knives designed for quick deployment. I also had my cane in my right hand. Had the young man attacked, my cane was my best bet. I would have been unable to produce my gun or knife until after he had thrown an initial punch. I also didn't want to kill this guy. He was just having a bad day. However, I was not going to be killed by him either or even take a beating by him. I am old and sick and out of shape. He was young, athletic, and bigger than me. This would have comprised a disparity of force, which would have likely made self defense with deadly force a reasonable response to his attack. But shooting someone carries a whole lot of problems with it under the best of circumstances. I avoid such at all costs.
I am a competent fighter, schooled in a lifetime of real martial arts. but I have no wind and I would have to disable him quickly or I would have nothing left. I would probably have side-stepped his forward attack to this outside and hit him in the ear with an open palm and administered and arm bar on him from a solid platform while he was off balance. I had practiced this a gazillion times and was comfortable with it. I might have followed up with disabling knee and elbow blows to his chest and face which my arm bar would have forced within striking distance. I would have probably then taken him to the ground and, depending on his response, either held him at bay, or smashed his face with my heel repeatedly while breaking his arm. I don't fight for fun. I spar for fun, but if I am provoked into a fight, it is for keeps. Defensive maneuvers have to be handled with this mindset, or you will fall short of your goal of neutralizing the threat.
Had my opponent managed to hit me and get me in a headlock, a common move for a limber tall guy to use on a smaller profile opponent, I knew how to turn that against him. It is also why I carry a barely legal quick-opening folding knife in both back pockets. Depending upon the direness of my circumstances, I might have produced a knife to break the hold if required. The fight would have then been over quickly. I didn't want to do this for the same reasons that I didn't want not shoot him.
I resorted to a sharply confident voice command. "Stop now! You are out of control! Get hold of yourself." His attack posture was again relaxed slightly, but he was still mad and braced. "You can't just attack me because you think I;m a bad driver. " I tried to appeal to reason. "I have apologized, but I am not going to let you jump me for no good reason." My tones were even,y matter of fact.
Then I dropped the bombshell. "I am not your average white guy. You are real close to dying. Do you know that? I eat hot-tempered boys like you for lunch!" His eyes blzed, as I followed in a more conciliatory tone.
"I didn't want any trouble, but now you've pissed me off, so if you feel froggy leap."
The guy was pissed beyond belief. At that point I was resigned that I would have to deal with an impending attack and was trying to provoke it and get it over with. I considered taking his knee out with a swift kick, which I is almost a given if a knife is produced. That usually ends a knife fight.But in this case I didn't want to be guilty of the first contact. A crowd had gathered outside the shop.
"Call an ambulance," I said loudly, but without panic, to the crowd, never breaking eye contact with the kid. "Then call the police."
For the first time, the guy seemed to gather his senses and look around at the crowd. Then he dodged me and opened his car door. I placed my hand at the ready on my 45, because I was afraid he was getting a gun. He will never know how close he came to being shot at that moment. However, due to my firearms training, I identified the object before taking any radical action.
Instead he had retrieved a cell phone. Then he dialed 911and asked for a police dispatch to the location. I knew the danger was probably over. He was looking for a graceful way out.
"Great" I said, I'll be curious to hear what you tell the police when they get here. I am going inside. I'll be here. But if I were you, I wouldn't be."
I went inside, keeping an eye over my shoulder on the guy. I was still pumped full of adrenaline and was probably walking like a hackled dog. It only enhanced my projected danger as the crowd stepped aside. I went inside and told the guys who were watching out the door what was up,in a sentence. I browsed and consciously tried to relax. I stayed inside until the clerk told me the police were there. I went outside to find the guy no where in site. I filed a report of what happened and that was that.
There are general /guidelines about what to do in such situations, but ultimately you must make split judgments based on your impressions. Body language speaks loudly if you are attuned to it. Intonation does to. Apologies go a long way towrd diffusing hurt pride or anger, but when it fails, you must read and predict all alternatives and act on your best instincts. I believe under such situations, we have a sixth sense which is greatly heightened. I recommend that you listen to your inner voice and follow it. Mine has never let me down.